Why I Share
We live in a huge world that we’ve made very small. Like never before we see how people on the other side of the world, on the other side of the city, in the higher apartment, in the bigger house, with the traveling lifestyle, with the dream job, with the cute family, with the idyllic life are living. The capacity to compare is through the roof. Not only do we have lots of avenues to compare ourselves to people we don't know, and will probably never meet, there is more and more pressure to compare ourselves to society's ideal version of who we should be and what we should be doing at this point in our lives exactly.
Oftentimes I find that version of who I might be is so ingrained into my conscious, it feels like I’m comparing myself, to my own ideal version of myself. There have been milestones and markers and ladder rungs that I thought I would have met by this point. And generally speaking the milestones of our lives today are much different from even a decade ago. Expectations may be more fluid, but they’re still there. Our ideas of what people can do to make a living have expanded to a place of overwhelm. And our ideas of at what age you should reach a point of success are getting younger and younger. To own your own company before your 30 seems not uncommon. But it’s also not uncommon to see article titles like this one: “Millennial's are Worse Off Than the Generation Before”.
We rarely see the lives that people lead behind their self promotion. Our social media presence, has become our resume. Filtered, edited, curated, deliberate and misleading. I don’t discount myself of playing a part in this. A few times I’ve been on the receiving end of comment about my life, based off of my Instagram and I always find myself surprised about the feedback. But then I realized it’s what I’m posting and that these friends who I’m talking with aren’t there with me every day when I have to draw myself out of bed. An internal battle going on like that between a dog that doesn't want to keep walking and its owner determine to carry on. They aren’t there with me when I’m sobbing in my car or talking to my dentist about how I clench my jaw. I don’t post about the angry stressed out customers that yell at me at work. And why would we broadcast those things? I have no interest in remembering them, and that's not the vision I want to paint for my life.
I recently heard it said that no growth can come without compression, friction and hardship. That even to grow into a fetus our cells must first endure pressure inside the womb. The womb that is specially designed for this one amazing function of growing a human. Even there, both the cells growing, and the mother growing them, must endure. So knowing this, knowing that in order to grow and change and thrive, we have to go through points of struggle, doubt, hurt, and sadness, wouldn’t you think it would be safe, rather than shameful, to share those things? Those things that we all have to go through.
I’ve also had feedback that some people are shocked by how much I already do share on these platforms. In those instances there is always a flash of shame before I come back to my senses and think, but this is my goal! To talk about these things that we have for so long been lead to believe you should not share with your community. If it’s true that we all have to experience fits of anger and bouts of depression then why not talk about them. Why not share our experiences and our tools. Why not share our lows so that we can more fully and graciously celebrate each others highs.
Vulnerability is the cure to shame. To share our fears and our failures will show us that they are not the end, they are not the roadblock we are lead to believe. I choose to put my faith here. In the idea that if I continue to share, continue to support others who share, and proceed to share even more authentically - stigmas will start to disappear, growth will happen, dreams will come true and futures will be made.
So I know it’s hard but I’ll ask you to share too. Start small and grow in big ways. I can tell you that you’ll start to become more comfortable in who you are, and you’ll find that in most (not all) instances, you’re met with compassion. If you’re not ready to share then start to notice. I’ll also ask that when someone is brave enough to share with you, you meet them in compassion as well.
6/4/2018 02:35:28 pm
Brave! You are brave and admired for having the courage to take this step. Sharing is hard! It’s very easy to post the highlight reel to life. And very easy to keep the dirty laundry buried in the basket. I’m joining you in my own way! Cheers and applause headed your way.
6/13/2018 02:24:09 pm
Thanks Holly! <3
6/4/2018 04:20:31 pm
It’s exciting to think that authenticity and genuine compassion for oneself and each other might actually heal the world. We all need to feel safe to be able to do this! Bravo to you for being vulnerable and saying it like it is in real life! Cheers to being real in order to heal!
6/13/2018 04:43:52 pm
Thanks NugNug ;)
6/4/2018 07:49:22 pm
Your truth is so eloquent and points to a volatile issue that is at the heart of a social media driven world. I feel the pressure of the “published persona” and I am decades apart from you. The bravery of authenticity is what I feel the world needs. Honest, unpolished, raw realness. I have been sharing and listening to a lot of Pema Chondron lately and her talk about failure that was published as a beautiful little book has helped me feel less protective of my failings and foibles. I can’t help but cheer you on in your pursuit of the real, it is a capacity I think we are finding hard to expand as a society. In our current form as a culture I find so many places that don’t fit me. I keep chalking it up to getting older, but sometimes I think it’s because I care about the truth of a moment or the real challenges of a person-not the popular narrative to explain away the pain and disconnection they feel from who they “should be.” I am glad you feel brave enough to share the real and distressing expectations that our society is creating for us.Thanks for sharing! And thanks for letting me ramble.
6/13/2018 02:26:51 pm
hahah thanks Smitty!! Love you and love Pema Chondron, check out her podcast with Oprah on Super Soul Sunday (if you haven't already!) <3
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