Surprise! I had two weeks of consistency writing a ‘blog’ and then couldn't find the motivation, or didn't know what else to write about. So I’m combating my lack of motivation, by writing about just that - motivation.
Time to come clean - I’m a scatterbrain. There are few things that can hold my attention for very long. I will be the champion of excitement, the ambassador of idea town and the puppy chasing its tail while trying to catch a ball at the same time. Except for the fact that a puppy doesn’t care if nothing comes from all its efforts. I care.
But what stops me if do care so much? Ahhh probably caring so much… ideally think “so what if nothing comes from this - just do it!” Well, easy enough for Nike to say… But ahh, what if I can't think of anything? What if it’s not as good as the last one? What if it makes no sense? What if I write it and no one reads it? What if I create it and no one buys it? What if I organize it and no one comes? What if I freeze? What if I bomb? What if I fail.
I sometimes feel like I’ve never really failed because I try to keep the mentality that I’m always learning. So if you’re learning, it’s productive, and therefore not a failure - right? I do ultimately think this is true. But I’m starting to think I may not have so many failures because I haven’t taken too many risks. Like I joked about in my last post, fear can hold me back from even playing new games at a party. When I encounter fear, I absolutely freeze in overwhelm.
We experience fear because we need to feel peace. Fear is action oriented and is meant to give us the fast energy we need to take charge and make changes. So how is it that fear can also be paralyzing, or that it leads to paralyzation.
My fear is rooted in rejection, failure and judgement. What's under that? Being outcasted, losing people, being made fun of, putting myself out there and being smashed down. What’s beyond that? Being alone, having to make a living doing something I don’t care about. Beyond that? Dying alone and unfulfilled.
WOOF. Okay - fear is trying to protect me from some miserable stuff, and it's no wonder my sympathetic nervous system basically crashes like an overworked computer. Like I said, I get so overwhelmed every time my thoughts go here, I end up becoming passive. I know, that my fear will keep coming back until I finally take action on those things that I’m frightened of. Yes my fear is paralyzing, but it won’t go away until I become unparalyzed and do something about it.
It won't leave because it’s trying to show me how important all of this is to me. If to die alone and unfulfilled is ultimately my biggest fear, I better take action to make sure I don't end up there. As one of my teachers GuruMeher says, “If action is called for, fear will return until you act to remedy the situation.”
So, time to come clean - I’m SCARED! There are lots of things that hold my attention. There are lots of ideas that nag me, that come up year after year filling me with burning desire. I get ideas that feel so big and scary and exciting that they knock me off my feet with their bigness. They knock me down (or, I knock me down), and I abandon them, and they come back. Over and over. I’m the puppy thinking about how great it would be to chase her tail and catch the ball but instead, is too worried about the people laughing.
So how am I going to get motivated? Here’s my decree - I will write whatever I’m thinking about, whatever is exciting me or bothering me. I will follow through on projects that ignite me, even though they might cost money and there might not be high return (right away). I will plan and organize and know that if I’m true to myself and vulnerable with others - people will come.
Because, the puppy that’s chasing its tail, looks like it's having a lot of fun…
What keeps you motivated when you’re feeling overwhelmed? Let me know!